“I don’t mind taking up the role of cooking, I love to cook and it’s my way of relaxing after a hard day’s job”.
The above was a rare answer given to me during my Q&A with some random guys about marriage, expectations, marital roles etc.
Let’s not get carried away, wha ah gwan fam! How are you doing,how was the week? And how’s the weekend coming? Going alright I hope? Thank God!.
Yes so today let’s trash this issue… I have few questions inna me mind,me ah bring them out, so we can trash em!
No1. The marital roles today I.e wife cooks,cleans, do them laundry, men hussle,provide for the family etc….. Who made them? God?, people, society?
No2. Can’t they be switched up to fit the couples’ taste, must you do it, cos that’s how it’s been done ? That’s how you saw your mum and dad do it, or the fear of what outsiders might think?
Finally No 3. Marital roles today,is one of the reasons marriages are crumbling, why? And what can we as young singles and future married men and women do to reduce the rate of divorce and crisis in marriages. It does start from us.
“Confusion over roles is one of the most stressful aspects of modern day marriages”
As individuals, we must understand we come from different family backgrounds, methods and means of tackling issues.
For example I have three senior brothers and kind of grew up doing some boy tagged chores like washing cars… Now I could decide to do that for my husband…no big deal…but the girl next door grew up with the training that only guys wash cars, and when her husband suggests this, she is hurt and disappointed.
In early generations where husbands were the providers and the wife the home makers, there was little confusion about who would do what.. However in this 21st century, that’s not the case… In short in some homes, the reverse can be seen….
See if you as an intending couple, do not discuss and agree with your partner on who does what, you will find this to be a major source of conflicts in the first few months of marriage.
I’ll cite another example using my family of course…. Back in the days when I used to request for money to make my hair, I would run to my dad and guess what he would say? ” Leave me alone….go and meet your mother, that is not my department ” and as the little girl that I am, I would run to mum and haha! She would say….” I don’t have money ohhh….go meet your dad!
Now this might be funny,but for a little child growing up….it’s kinda confusing… You begin to have funny thoughts and weird mindsets…. And this subconsciously follows you into adulthood.
What am trying to point out here are gonna be summarized into 3 points
1) Don’t copy marriages… Find out what works for you and your spouse
2) you can only find this out…by much discussion, Interactions stop spending time discussing about how large your love is…or how hard your heart beats….discuss your values, ask questions about your growing up, discuss your expectations,examine your personalities, what he or she like,loves,can’t stand…and place your roles accordingly.
3) last but definitely not the least. Some roles are guided by nature if I might say….you don’t expect a woman to protect her family better than her husband?…she is naturally built to be the protected and not the protector. So know the roles which ought not to be changed…and for the rest switch it up as you like, to fit your marriage.
So guys tell me what you think, married couples please tell us what works for you. I am by no means a marriage counselor… But I’m only speaking for knowledge gathered through books and other peoples marriages. So please if you think am wrong…say it.tell me why….
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Thanks for reading… Please don’t forget to like and comment. God bless!