Why are young marriages failing? 🤷🤷

Hey fam…. It’s been a minute Yea?!!, my bad 😥😣, but I’m back and there is no special write up TBH …..😌😒🤤

This time I’m here to learn, to listen, cause I don’t know, but I wanna know and at the same time create an avenue for married couples young or old to enlighten us and be enlightened & encouraged..

The attached picture above and beneath are real life current marriage situations and many more from where I got that from,sadly and even worse are the comments from alot of singles 😫🤕😥….. Instagram handle: @joroolumofin

Lots of abuse going on, divorce is on the rise and social media is slowly making marriage look horrendous and war zone like…,

Lots of young couples tolerating their marriages instead of enjoying it, but deep down I know this is not God’s intention ……..

I also know ignorance is not bliss but a tablet that kills, slowly but surely…..

All I’m asking is that you open up and tell us your experience this far… The good the bad and the ugly, because we learn from it all, you never know who you just might be helping…. 💁🙏

So who is gonna be the first to comment?!🤗🤗🙋🙋🙋🙏

P. S if you enjoying your marriage as well, please be kind and drop some nuggets of wisdom for youths…

Let’s help each other out right 🤔🤔🤷

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BE MY VAL PLEASE👉💋❤

Debated on doing a write up for this day, was truly a battle😟😟😟… I can’t help it…… Maybe am not as strong, I know people are saying February 14th  is just another day, that Val’s day is not just for that special one and so on 😕😒😒😞  YEA YEA !!!😒😒😒😞 but the truth is, deep down, I still feel a bit sad and a little empty.

No forming okay, let’s be real for a sec…for some peeps out there, Val’s day is a reminder of how single they are 🙋🙋and for some who are in a relationship,they feel even more  alone on this special day…( that’s the worst)

 So what to do ……?

I personally turn to junk 🎂🍦🍨🍬🍫🍔🍪🍗🍕🍟🍖🍞🍌🍓🍉🌽 and when I feel my insides can’t take it.  I turn to the one true giver of Love and peace… God!! and some how I know tomorrow is gonna be better..😀🙆

So to all my partners in this feeling, just know you not alone and that ours is on the way, our Baes,our boos😘😍😍. But till they come.

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. PLEASE WILL YOU BE MY VAL💓💓💖?

Have You Found Your Soul Mate? Are You Sure?😕😕

Okay chill as a christian I truly am not a believer in the term “soulmates ” per say  but I do believe there is that special person we come across in life, its a rare and beautiful encounter…I for one have had this experience, even though we are not together😥😥 😀…. Let’s not get carried away….(gosh only the memories😭😔)

Well after a thorough research📖📱 interviews and my with the help of my great friend Google😁….. We came up with 5 certain signs that you are together with your soul mate..and to me that “special somebody”.

So without further ado, let’s jump right into it👉👉👇                                                                             👇                                                                             👇

Number 1 : You are so comfortable with him/her :                                                   Truth be told there is no big deal in being comfortable with some people… They just have that effect on you, (like me right😁😁😁😍😘) but what I am talking about here is being so comfortable that you find yourself opening up to this person ever so easily, unconsciously or consciously sharing secrets you’ve never told anyone else. When you feel at ease, letting go of your fears,revealing your scars,sharing yor dreams and just BEING YOU becomes easy/normal. You find it so easy to laugh.. and whenever you’re with the person it feels like where you belong..it feels likeeee ehmmm!…😕😕😀😀😍 of course it feels like HOME

Number 2: You have MAD😵🙌 Chemistry:

Oh yes, mad chemistry….the tingling in your toes,the weakness in your knees,loosing of your breathe,butterflies💞💞 in your tummy,dizzy spells… This is the kind of chemistry that can be seen and felt by others, in short staying alone with each other is almost not advice able( if you not married i mean😀😀 to avoid stories that touch the heart😂😂😮)because when you together, the atmosphere around you is charged with so much desire and need. Let me stop here..ehn hmmm!🙊🙊

For some of us who doesnt understand this chemistry…let me define it simply: It is the representation of the emotional connection when you are together.

Number3: Silence is Golden:                        Doc. Joy what does that even mean?

Heheh am the love doctor!😎…

okay okay..its quite simple actually…its when your non-verbal communication with that person is on POINT.,because you connect with this person on a whole different level..there are sometimes you don’t even need to say a word…just a look or a wink or even a certain kind of smile and you know all you need to.. Your body language is so in tune that you can just TELL…..

Number4: A Steady Undeniable /Involuntary Reaction:                                 For every action there is a reaction, sometimes they are voluntary and other times involuntary…  Now being around this person does things to you that you cant seem to control…like the increase in your heart beat or you can’t help that smile that keeps popping up when you see that person😀, even if your mad at that person… Guys this is more than just a passing feeling. This connection is so LEGIT that every bones in your body responds in agreement…and am not even talking about chemistry.

Number 5: Imagining Yourself With Another  Just Feels Weird and Impossible:                                                       After I met this guy..(a little insight) I couldn’t see myself with another guy…truth be told we not together..and even at that its a struggle.. I still can’t see myself with another…I really admire those of you that have such a relationships/marriages….

Try it today…imagine yourself without that person…picture your future without him/her….does it hurt?… Mine did and still does….

So yes guys these are the five signs that ensures you are where you ought to be…and in conclusion here is a quote from a book my dad gifted me….

“The importance of compatibility can never be over emphasized, same goes for shared interests and believes. It is important for you to respect each other. When all these factors are in sync, you just know its right.

When you find this person…don’t let anything get in your way…do as much as you can, to try to be together… Life is too short to wonder “what if” .  Life let your parts cross for a reason..so take the chance while you still have it”

Thank you for reading… Live,love,laugh!

My Own, My Home

Never ever thought of writing poems before,and truth be told I have no idea how it works, the structure, rules and regulations.

Lying on my bed, listening to my song playlist and thinking about my past choices, relationships etc
 1
A short poem comes around and as a blogger addict, I couldn’t help but write it down. Let me know your thoughts, advice, criticisms, everything. LOL
Enjoy……………….

I love him

He might be bad for me
But I can’t help it
He makes my heart beat so hard
Our chemistry is mad
But I’m so sad
He is not single
Though we might mingle
We will never be together
Why suffer?
So I let him go to his lover
To the place he belongs
As I long for my own beloved
My own
My bone
My home.
            The End..
I’am certain alot of people have gone through this, it is a terrible feeling.
It has a way of messing with your mind, reducing your self esteem.
Problems in relationships
Step out of that triangle, it’s not for you, you deserve much better.
Like the saying goes “don’t stay where you are tolerated, find a place where you are appreciated.
Let go,rebuild your self esteem… Fix your mindset and be placed rightfully, so that when love does find you…you won’t scare it off
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WHO DOES WHAT?

“I don’t mind taking up the role of cooking, I  love to cook and it’s my way of relaxing after a hard day’s job”.

The above was a rare answer given to me during my Q&A with some random guys about marriage, expectations, marital roles etc.

Let’s not get carried away, wha ah gwan fam! How are you doing,how was the week? And how’s the weekend coming? Going alright I hope? Thank God!.

Yes so today let’s trash this issue… I have few questions inna me mind,me ah bring them out, so we can trash em!

No1. The marital roles today I.e wife cooks,cleans, do them laundry, men hussle,provide for the family etc….. Who made them? God?, people, society?

No2.  Can’t they be switched up to fit the couples’ taste, must you do it, cos that’s how it’s been done ? That’s how you saw your mum and dad do it, or the fear of what outsiders might think?

Finally No 3. Marital roles today,is one of the reasons marriages are crumbling, why? And what can we as young singles and future married men and women do to reduce the rate of divorce and crisis in marriages. It does start from us.

“Confusion over roles is one of the most stressful aspects of modern day marriages”

-Gary Chapman.

As individuals, we must understand we come from different family backgrounds, methods and means of  tackling issues.

images For example I have three senior brothers and kind of grew up doing some boy tagged chores like washing cars… Now I could decide to do that for my husband…no big deal…but the girl next door grew up with the training that only guys wash cars, and when her husband suggests this, she is hurt and disappointed.

In early generations where husbands  were the providers and the wife the home makers, there was little confusion about who would do what..   However in this 21st century, that’s not the case… In short in some homes, the reverse can be seen….

See if you as an intending couple, do not discuss and agree with your partner on who does what, you will find this to be a major source of conflicts in the first few months of marriage.

I’ll cite another example using my family of course…. Back in the days when I used to request for money to make my hair, I would run to my dad and guess what he would say?  ” Leave me alone….go and meet your mother, that is not my department ” and as the little girl that I am, I would run to mum and haha! She would say….” I don’t have money ohhh….go meet your dad!

Now this might be funny,but for a little child growing up….it’s kinda confusing… You begin to have funny thoughts and weird mindsets…. And this subconsciously follows you into adulthood.510580552.jpg

What am trying to point out here are gonna be summarized into 3 points

1) Don’t copy marriages… Find out what works for you and your spouse3539d755043b77947013b92a9caaede2

2) you can only find this out…by much discussion, Interactions stop spending time discussing about how large your love is…or how hard your heart beats….discuss your values, ask questions about your growing up, discuss your expectations,examine your personalities, what he or she like,loves,can’t stand…and place your roles accordingly.couple-discussing

3) last but definitely not the least. Some roles are guided by nature if I might say….you don’t expect a woman to protect her family better than her husband?…she is naturally built to be the protected and not the protector. So know the roles which ought not to be changed…and for the rest switch it up as you like, to fit your marriage.

So guys tell me what you think, married couples please tell us what works for you. I am by no means a marriage counselor… But I’m only speaking for knowledge gathered through books and other peoples marriages. So please if you think am wrong…say it.tell me why….

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Thanks for reading… Please don’t forget to like and comment. God bless!

HONEYMOON IN NIGERIAAA????!

Good day fam!

How are we doing? How is your week coming? I really hope your answer is Great!

So Guys,

Did a little questionnaire, asking friends and family, especially random youths.”where would you like to spend your honeymoon”Trust Nigerians,hhhhhhm!  some said Dubai, Paris, Jamaica, Canada, Hawaii ,the U.S and so on, but one thing i didn’t hear was NIGERIA!!!!!, why? I don’t get it at allllll…..

Yes i agree, call me stingy oh, poverty minded….. hahahahaaha i don’t mind, but why pay for flight tickets through and fro (especially now in this awesome recession) when you can just go to a neighboring state’s resort.

STATE RESORT?????? Yes guys!, state resort, awesome hotel services, nice views, very affordable, secure and peaceful environment etc.  Yesss they do exist in Nigeria, common guyssss…..

It takes nothing less than 10,000 to 15,000 US dollars equivalent to about 3,000,000 to 4.500,000 (all inclusive plan) to enjoy a good honey moon in Dubai (mind you i converted the price from Dirham to US dollars and then to naira.

Now here are some sights from some Nigerian hotels and resorts.

obudu-mountain-resort-water-parkuloma-kingsley001

 

Take a hike through the woods and suntan (hahahahaah as if you need it)

 

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Take in the viewwww……

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Yes fam, this is Obudu cattle ranch… and no its not run down like people say, its actually well maintained.

 

Here is another sight for your sore eyesh3le-meridien-ibom-hotel-golf-resort-deluxe-twin-room-understated-luxury

Yes this is in Nigeria!

mer1936po-147316_mdmer1936po-87076-breathtaking-pool

 

Watch your meal get prepared and salivate hehehehe…..

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Cheers Babbby!!!! to Long life, great sex, and an exemplary marriage.

le-meridien-ibom-hotel-golf-resort-piano-bar

These are sights from Le Méridien Ibom Hotel & Golf Resort located in Akwa Ibom and for a 5 nights and 6 days, an all inclusive plan for two(of course) cost roughly N700,000 only guys (and i mean flight tickets included)

See Fam!, this is not poverty mindedness, this is being prudent and planning ahead, and if this is also too expensive, by all means go to your home, stroll to the nearest mall and stuck up your fridge, turn of your phones, buy enough fuel for the generator (just incase), buy plenty movies, stock up your games,and gbam!!!!! enjoy your bae! all within N200,000.

So i hope you enjoy reading this guys, and if your outside of Nigeria, try coming over, chilling here is very affordable and  we are hospitable, and you don’t have to break the bank.

Do let me know if you plan to have your honeymoon in Nigeria, and drop your likes and comments guys.

I love and appreciate your time….. Remember joy from within cannot be stolen.

 

 

WHAT IS THE ONE LESSON YOUR EX TAUGHT YOU? 😟😕

Funny topic right?

Whats up guysssss….. Wha a gwan!?  How’s your week coming?  ?mine has been! 😠😡😖😲😟😬😕..if you get what i mean! 😉

Yea,  so just like the topic says,  the one lesson your  ex taught you… Good or bad,  i wana know!  Yea yea I’ll  tell  you mine too ……😒😒

Yoooo!  Its not even funny but my last relationship taught me to observe a guys stingy nature….. There truly is a difference between stingy and being a stingy koko! Ahhhhhhhhhh!😨😱.          ok leme give you this gist:

So during my nysc days …in the camp,  i was sooo broke,  i cant even explain guys , the brokeness ehnnn, i had just 5nairaaaaa😫😫.  I call up my supposed boyfriend and we gisted and gisted and credit finishes…. He calls back and when he is about to drop,   am like “baby please  send me recharge card okkk pleasee!”.… Guess his response!? 😂  he says “yea sure no problem  love“😎

Forward to three days later!  Hunger has a different  meaning in this camp😲😲… As atms are not available…. Boyfriend  has not flashed… Not even by mistake! 😒😔. As the good girlfriend that i am! 😇😇😇😇😇😇 i borrow credit from the network provider and call bae…. Imagine he acts all cheerful  and happy… Like he missed me forever! 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒( oldman park well) …….trust me naaaa!  I go direct and ask “is it because i ask you for credit card that you refused to talk to me for three days

Can you  try to guess his reponse?  Hahahahahahah at all your wrong… This is what he said ” oh my love  i have been sooo busy,  been trying to gather funds to send the recharge card ” hmmmmmmmm! 😨😨😨😨😕😕😕 ah swear.. I confuse dieeee… Like bro seriously!?  How much credit are you sending…. And this guy just bought a BBpassport the week ohhhhh!…

At that junction i ended the call, i can’t shout!😏😏… And the rest is history…

See babes i come from a family where  i have learnt that it is an EROOORRRRRRRR to marry  someone who finds it hard to give….. I repeat ERROR

Be it you or your significant other,  be sensitive to the needs of your partner… Dont even wait for them to ask… If its in your capacity… Do it and if you can’t…. Oga no dey form… Say you no go fit! 😒

Oya i have gisted you my own… Its your turn… Comment below on what lesson(s) your ex taught you.

Thank you so much  for taking out time to read and please do like and comment.

God bless you and cause you to prosper above your wildest dreammmmssss…

LOVE LANGUAGES(LL😘😘)??????😨😱


I struggled with  every relationship i ever was in…. Of course i didn’t  know this was what it was… It was more like ” i don’t think he loves me enough”😔😥 or something why doesn’t he wants to call or hang out!… This affected a lot of my relationships because i would literally want the guy to love me  exactly the way i loved him! 😞😞😞😞 bigggggg disappointment… It never  everrrrr worked, 😫😩 and then at some point, i would just give up.

Now i am 70% certain that a lot of  us have felt this way at least one time!  Or like me most times! 😀😀.. But then i read a book ” The five love languages” by Gary Chapman(funny he bears the same name with my favorite drink!! Hehe)  😉😉.

Okay so in this book my understanding  was opened to the fact that love speaks languages! 😁😁😁😏 hehe am guessing you didn’t know too… Buh yah!  It does,  and  it is divided into 5 categories which are:

  RECEIVING GIFTS! 🎁🎁: I quote from the book.. “For some people, what makes them feel loved is to receive a gift.. The gift communicates the message “he thought of me” or she really does love me”. Now the task is to observe your partner, what does he or she like, or what do they lack that they really need… Nigerians aren’t  fond of buying gifts.in short guys are dodging February14th👎👎👎. Especially the girls😁😁. Seee choose to be different,  ladies spoil your man!

 

Couple Playing Backgammon on Floor --- Image by © Ralf Schultheiss/zefa/Corbis

Couple Playing Backgammon on Floor — Image by © Ralf Schultheiss/zefa/Corbis

QUALITY TIME👌 ⌚⌚: Quality time for me is the best… And as the name implies, it is basically  giving or spending quality  time with your significant other, giving your undivided attention and doing the things you both love or simply just gisting💑💑💑I am definitely under this love language group,  because as much as i loveeee gifts…😉😉 its nothing to me, if you don’t have my time. (If you like don’t buy gift you hear! 😤😓)

 

his-and-hers-2WORDS OF AFFIRMATION : Yes guys and it’s basically  “Expressing affection through spoken affection, praise, or appreciation”. Your words may focus on the other person’s personality or the way they look or something they have done for you.  If your persons primary  love language is words of affirmation,  your words would mean everything, nothing will speak more deeply of your love than words of affirmation .

 I am semi in this categories… Who doesn’t like sweet lovey dovey words huh? 😏😏

 

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PHYSICAL TOUCH! 👫💏: Now see every culture has what is termed the appropriate and inappropriate touch.. The appropriate touch is loving while the latter is demeaning and destructive.  If your personal  person’s primary love language is physical touch, nothing would speak more deeply than appropriate touch.  And we do know touches have meaning(consciously and unconsciously)  Assignment number 1: find out the different touches and what they generally mean?

couple-cook-1024x929 😉😉

ACTS OF SERVICES:💅💆: if you speak words of affirmation to people with this love language this is a sample of the conversation. When you’ll say baby i love you.. Their response would be something like this  “if you love me,  why don’t you do something to help  around the house? “. See the key to loving this kind of person will be to find out what things they would like for you to do.. and do them consistently. 

Here are some tips on finding out your love language :

1) observe your  own behavior.                           2) observe what you complain about.              3) observe what you request  for the most. 

I know some of you would say… Yo!  Joy i belong to all the categories…😏😏😕, Yeap thats very possible but the thing is.. There is always a PRIMARY AND A SECONDARY LOVE LANGUAGE (PRIMARY=YEAP THATS DEFINITELY ME,  SECONDARY=YEA YEA  A LIL BIT) 

So guys find out your and your partner’s love language and learn to love them the way the want to be loved and not the way you want to be loved… Research shows that its very rare for couples to have the same primary love languages.. 

I do hope this summary has helped you guys… For a deeper understanding.. Please get the book and read it. 

Thank you awesome readers.. I 💝 U. 

I wish you a HAPPY NEW MONTH and in this month nothing will steal your Joy. 😘😘😘

SO YOUR SINGLE? 😨😱

There are worse things than being alone. But it often takes decades to realize this. And most often when you do, it’s too late. And there’s nothing worse than too late. 

– Charles Bukowski

Its funny how so many people view relationships as the best part of life!  Including me oh! I literally  have not been single like for  ever! 😔😔.

Nonetheless, being single allows you to experience so much that is often simply not possible when subjected to the pressures of supporting and maintaining a relationship.

The state of being single is not a curse or something to feel down about.  It is a stage /period for the following events to take place :

1. IT IS ABOUT DISCOVERING WHO YOU REALLY ARE! 😍:

Being single gives you a unique opportunity to get to really find out who you are. The good, the bad, the hidden things are all laid bare. Your strengths, weaknesses and insecurities exposed. Nahhh! we all have those, common! 😉don’t feel bad! 

2. IT IS ABOUT FINDING  OUT WHAT TOUCHES YOU (YOUR PASSION) :

There’s something deeply tragic about not  having a goal of your own, something that makes you jump out of bed every morning, its really not fun playing tag along all the days of your life. 😞😒😌😔

Now don’t get me wrong,  its a thing of joy living for others and putting other’s need before yours. And sometimes it is absolutely  necessary and the  right thing to do.  But what is your excuse na??! So stop it, stop  delaying and find out what you love to do and do it to the best of your abilities,👏👏trust me ,this in turn will give you the strength and love to help those  you love. 

3.LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELFFFFF! 😍😘

You simply cannot give the pure unadulterated love  you’re capable of, if you’re held down  by low self esteem and doubts. Discover who you really  are, and understand you are wonderfully and beautifully created.. Whether  you have no front hair on your head, or a bow leg, or your melanin aint popping! 😨 who cares jooh! YOU ARE BAE,  so learn to love you.. And in loving yourself , you get the strength to work on your character flaws and let go of all unnecessary baggages. 

And last but not the least! 

4. GAIN CONFIDENCE :

Discovering your self, your passion, and learning to love yourself  builds your self confidence. 

Now guys,  don’t get  it twisted, confidence is NOT pride,  never was, never will be, whereas confidence will attract the opposite sex, 😉 pride will get them  running 👉👉🏃🏃🏃.  So Guys build  your confidence, its sexyyy! 😘😘

With this few points of mine,😀😀(debating thinz) i hope i have been able to convince and not confuse you that being SINGLE is not a curse but a BLESSING(GOD-DESIGNED).

Its goodnyt from HOUSEOFJOY! and remember no one has the power to steal your joy! 😍😘



MARRIAGE OR WEDDING, WHICH ARE YOU PREPARING FOR? 😒

Hello awesome viewers!! 😘😘 how are you and how have you been?  Please do let me know because i truly care.

Okay okay so i know your wondering what is Joy ranting on about ! But really have you noticed the increasing rate of marriages falling apart?  Have you also noticed the mighty efforts and creativity put into the wedding preps (pre photo shoots, shopping aso ebi and all) !?😁 You’ll  buy aso ebi 10 thousand naira and then marriage crumbles 1year later? 😒😒😒

Am sure you get the picture!

Okay so what am i really  talking about?  Joy get to the point!

For one to prevent something, you have to be knowledgeable about it. For wgen the purpose of a thing is not known  abuse is indeed inevitable ,so therefore  here are the differences between wedding and marriage, just incase you don’t know:

Wedding lasts for a day,swhile  marriage last for a lifetime,so be careful the finance invested.  Wedding involves  guests, friends and family while marriage is you, your spouse and offsprings and also in wedding the opinions of almost everyone is needed for it to be successful but for marriage third parties  are highly discouraged.

Prepare for your marriage guys,  communicate with your person, love is not blind ohhhhh😤😤be sure you are compatible, that your values and goals are similar, that God is in the center of your lives. Be observant to thraits that scream disaster, and please if  you have an advice..abeg talk it Or what do you think guys, comment your mind!

I love you guys so much and remember joy is from within 😘😘💝💝

TRUE LOVE WITHOUT SEX? 😨😱

This century has equaled sex to love.  You’ll hear things like ” if you love mi baby  prove your love, lets have sex! “.😢😢

But seriously though, can’t a relationship exist without sex and be strong and healthy?

I really  want to hear your opinions guy.. Let me  know, do you know any relationship that  is without sex?  And what is the secret.

Remember Joy is from the inside. 😘